That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
