Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
