So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, beer. Big fan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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