So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
