Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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