Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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