Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The adults are the big ones right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
