dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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