so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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