Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
