I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
