you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
