Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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