I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
