im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
