hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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