I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
