Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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