i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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