Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
