There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
