he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
did i just pee glitter
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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