You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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