I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
