i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
