Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
