if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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