wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
