As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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