hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
