Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
