I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
