That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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