just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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