I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
