When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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