I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
