I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
