Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
don't judge my taste in strippers
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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