I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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