How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
