I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
