drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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