heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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