it's not cheating when I paid for it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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