The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
