i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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