Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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