My friends, they love my intelligence
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
