I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
