I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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