Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
