just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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