he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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