booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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