I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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