when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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