i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
