I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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