she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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