Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
