i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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