ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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