yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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