It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
