Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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