I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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