You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
