i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
