So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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