At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
