We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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