Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
