You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
