I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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