Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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