watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
operation harelip BJ is a go
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
