some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
