What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
