The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
